I once saw Woody Allen interviewed
by Barry Norman, he asked him what he thought his
greatest achievement was and woody replied that he
thought he'd become the world's most accomplished wanker.
The point here is that openness and honesty about men's
sexual and sensuality, their changing needs and desires
and the way that men are necessarily changing their
lifestyles in the 90's is incredibly rare even in these
supposedly liberated times.
At a time when there's so much great stuff coming out of
the base of the Riot Grrl movement about womens' changing
lives and desires and you cant move for publications even
in the mass media about women's lives its incredibly
frustrating that there has been no such development along
these lines in a media which, lets be honest, is still
hugely dominated by men.
I suppose that many people consider me to be a 'lad' -
yes I enjoy a night out with the boys, I watch football
and was once spotted at an Oasis gig (don't laugh Steve -
you were there too). The point is that I also have a
'sensitive' side, a side that likes to explore my own
sensuality and sexuality - a feminine side for want of a
better word. When we've finally reached a point where
'maleness' is being redefined due to many things - like
the fact that high male unemployment is so high now that
many guys are having to think again about the old 'bread
winner' cliche and that quite a number of men are now
becoming the ones who stay at home and raise the kids
(not a myth - even I know 2 such men) it is still
difficult, if not impossible to find any kind of
publication centred around dealing with this redefinition
of maleness either in the underground press or mass
media. On the contrary, the move towards laddishness in
the form of Oasis and Loaded is only making it more
difficult to bring these issues out into the open.
I did have hopes at one point when the men's magazine
market began to expand that we'd at least get something
along the lines of Cosmo' or something exploring the
other side of maleness. But (as always) the mainstream
press let us down. All we've got are sport and fitness
magazines and those which only serve to reinforce the old
male stereotype in search of the 'lad' market. I mean,
hey I've bought (and enjoyed) copies of Loaded but this
kind of stuff doesn't take us anywhere new.
The trouble is though that this problem id doubled by the
fact that most men find it difficult to talk about
maleness in any real kind of way. Whereas some (but not
all) women that I know enjoy having a good chat about
their lives in intimate ways, most men find it near
impossible except maybe when they've had a few lagers and
they can turn it into a joke - just discussing this
article with people has brought about a bizarre mixture
of reactions from people both male and female. It could
be just that my circle of friends are more inhibited than
others and if this is the case I stand to be corrected -
but I doubt it.
What I'm asking for here is not that we all go down the
pub this minute and talk loudly about what a great wank
we had last night or what the latest developments in
nappies are (although it might help). I've seen plenty of
stuff written about more 'obscure' sexual practices in
the underground press (S&M, bondage etc) and lots of
stuff on female desires and needs but there's still
little written about male sex or sensuality or desires of
the mind (except maybe in homocore zines). In the words
of Mrs Merton "lets have a heated debate" in
the underground press and find a way forward for a more
open and frank discussion about 'men's problems' and
issues that affect our minds and bodies. If we can't do
it in zines and the small press, where we are at least
unfettered by mass media constraints, how can we expect a
move away from the cliche of maleness in mainstream
society? If we can, maybe I'll write that article on the
joys of male masturbation I've been threatening to write
for the next issue of Vertigo. |